Unexpected Moments

It has only been a few weeks since Annual Conference and I am still processing an event that took place during Holy Communion. Afterwards,I wept with my wife about this and how moved we both were, but honestly did not know how to respond. 

In a previous a previous post, Ambushed , I talked about being surrounded by 3 pastors and in particular one pastor who seemed to just have it out for me. It was a devastating moment for sure and a valuable lesson to learn. I was pretty far removed from the event and had not given it much thought until I signed up to serve communion at Annual Conference. 

I saw the name. His name. Thought to myself, "God you do have a sense of humor, don't you."  Boy, did he!  I was seriously over the debacle and little did I know what God had in store.

My wife and prepared to serve communion and as the pastor led us all through the blessing of the communion, I sensed that "sweet sweet spirit in this place" kind of moment.  I felt the love of my Savior. I was reminded that at the table, all are welcome. That before I come to the table, examine my heart. My heart was filled with grace that overflowed. It was truly a humbling moment to serve communion to our Annual Conference. 

As my wife and I made are way to be served, I had just focused on a moment with Jesus and the previous song we lifted up. "Break every chain. Break Every Chain." 
Then communion begins. I watch as we prepare our hearts for a connection with Christ at the table.  

The pastor stops in front of my wife. "This is the body of Christ given for you."  

I hold my hands in a cup, as if making a tiny throne for the bread of heaven. My eyes are looking at my hands and then I look up. He is staring at me. "Clay. I'm sorry." He hands me the body of Christ. Without hesitation I say "it's okay. I love you." The cup bearer comes next and I dip and tasted the radical love of God. It was over in a moment, but the moment stuck with me. 

I know. If you have read this far. Why not say... you are forgiven or I forgive you.  

That had already transpired. Sure, I was hurt by what happened, but I was never going to stay stuck by what took place.  

The reality is... we all make mistakes or get caught up in moments. I know I mess up. It is just a fact. Not a perfect anything, but this life is far too short to live with bitterness about anything.

Today and every day. Practice forgiveness. Make it a habit.

Matthew 18:21-22

21 At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?”

22 Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. 

Forgiveness is a practice.God can do more with that than he ever could with your bitterness, anger, or resentment. 

(note... not sharing the names for reasons of anonymity) 

December 27, 2004.

December 27, 2004.

The van was bumpy and smelled moldy, as if it had not been cleaned in years. My driver, her name was Doris, looked as if she was made from leather and spray-on tan, called out loudly for us to begin to wake up. I had fallen asleep while we traveled from Montgomery, Alabama to Parris Island, South Carolina.  The day before had been my 25th birthday and I decided to reward myself this way.  I stretched and saw the sign on the side of the road as our van's headlights passed by... Parris Island 65 miles. The nervousness was starting to set in.  I was nearly to a new start. A place where they will only know me on paper and I can start over. I took stock of my surroundings.

        While I was asleep, we had picked up several more males and one female. She sat in the front seat and I both envied and felt sympathetic for her. The entire front row of potential new Marines tried their very best pick-up lines on her and to strike up a conversation. They all fell flat. Most of the other males were asleep, but not that row. They seemed to enjoy annoying her.

The other guys in front of me were both talking excessively about how they were going to thrive in boot camp and that the recruiters had prepared them to be the best of the best. They almost seemed to puff out there chests a little bit more in trying to play the game of one ups-manship. Both seemed rather regular to me and the guy next to them suggested that he was going to become a platoon guide. I didn't even know what that meant.

"Hey, Florida Boy is awake." I looked at him confusingly and said, "how did you know I was from Florida? "  He smirked, as if he was very convincingly going to tell me he was a prophet and replied " Your wallet was on the floor of the van and I opened it up."  Thanks.... Do you have it? He reached over and passed it along , also careful to mention that I had no money in it.  Which was true. I had come to be nearly and entirely penniless. 

Thirty-miles...

I began to think about the phone call I given my parents the afternoon before. They were wondering why I was leaving back to Birmingham, Alabama so soon after Christmas.  I called just as I reached Birmingham to tell them my choice of enlisting in the United States Marine Corps.  I hid my enlistment for a few reasons. The first being, I had mentioned to other friends that I was enlisting to only be replied with ... "yeah.. right" or  YOU!?"  As if it was entirely out of the realm of reality for me to become a Marine. I suppose they were right. I was a musician and cared more about being fashionable than I had ever cared about serving my country.  I was not very aggressive or athletic. In fact, I could do only 3 pull-ups and ran a mile in about 9 1/2 minutes. 

I picked up the phone and dialed.  My mom answered and I asked if Dad was around.  He gets on the on the line and I proceed to tell them the news of my enlistment. My dad asked if I chosen infantry and my mom just cried. After all, we were at war in Iraq and Afghanistan. I assured them that my choice was a job in logistics and that in the entire three year period of the war so far, none from that job field (also called MOS) had died.  At least not in combat.  My dad seemed to be proud of me for making a choice, even at age 25, to serve my country and pay for college. 

15 miles...

Doris yells in a deep chain smoker's voice , " grab your things and prepare yourself. We are about to come on base. Last chance to bail boys! I will slow down and open the van door and you can roll out."  No one answered. It was eerily quiet. Then a a guy sprang up from the seat behind me, as if he was coming alive from a dead sleep, his head hitting the top of the roof of the van. "How far out!? I've got to call my girl." I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and offered it to him.  His name was Drew and he was a former Georgia Tech basketball player we had picked up in Atlanta.  Easily 6'8 and hands that could fit around my entire face.  "Thanks man.. name is Drew." 

It was in that moment that I knew we were all about to be connected to a much larger moment.  I see the gates of Parris Island and the van slows down and pulls into a station.  "Sorry boys and girls, I cannot take you on base, but you are going to load up on this bus in front of us. I have ticket from this base and I am not allowed to drive on base"...

We load up on the bus and of course all of the front seats are free... lucky us.  I end sitting in the fifth seat from the front right next to the lone female from our van. She smiles and says in a thick country girl accent.." Hi.. I'm Brandy.  I am from your neck of the woods. Just up the road in Fountain, Florida. " I  start to reply with my own details as the door the bus closes and the driver tells us to look down at our feet and keep our mouths shut. The buss goes dark and silent. You could hear sniffles, heartbeats, and feel the palpable tension upon the bus. I glance at my watch and it is close to midnight as the bus pulls onto the base.  For the first time in my life, the meaning of surreal was happening to me right here and now. It would be a feeling that would happen again and again during my time in the Marine Corps, that was the only thing I was assured of.  We drive under a large sign that simply states... We Make Marines. Yeah nothing ominous or foreboding about that at all.

The bus makes several turns and finally comes to a halt in front a large brick building, with a huge metallic silver face with letters written in gold. From the angle we are slowing, I cannot make out what it says.  The bus stops and the door opens.  I see the top of his green drill instructors hat begin to crest the stair case and asks the driver for some information. You could tangibly feel the difference on the base go from tense to petrified. The young Marine Sergeant steps to the top of the stairs and gets started on a very rehearsed, but sharp and crisp speech about what was going to happen next.  I sit up and look out the window, my gaze now transfixed, at the sign above the building. It says
"Through these portals pass prospects for America's finest fighting force. United States Marines."

I had missed most of what the drill instructor had said... but the phrase... "GET OFF MY BUS AND GO STAND ON MY YELLOW FOOTPRINTS" certainly got my attention.  The bus shouted together, SIR AYE SIR! The rush of activity and sound of people almost falling over one another was nearly comical, if we all had not been so scared. We were all together and moving, sloppily, towards getting off of the bus.  I look down and see the footprints. I move with a purpose towards my mark and align my feet, placing my hands down the seam of my jeans. I was now standing at the position of attention. The cold night air hit my face and I stared at the back of the head in front of me. I was here now and there was no turning back. I will finish what I start and the journey would take me where I needed to go. I was all in on being a United States Marine. These yellow footprints were now sacred ground to me.

Ambushed

Before I get started, let me say that I have prayed before posting and this post, like my previous one about church planting, is for any church planter or anyone thinking about doing so, being armed with the information as part of their discernment process. I was warned by a far more credible mentor about the inherent dangers of being a church planting pastor and even thought to myself that it would not happen to me, but it did. I got Ambushed.  Not by the enemy, but by other pastors and even ones from within my own denomination. I won't sugar coat it. It royally stunk. I will completely tell that I have forgiven them and moved on, but this is not about the emotions, but a word of warning as you may venture into church planting. ** I will not mention the churches or people involved by name**  as a passed away colleague once told me; "forgiving someone means letting go of your rights to be angry or seek justice." (Chris Perry)

If you are a church planter, part of your job is to reach out and meet with other pastors. Raise money. Pray for one another. This is totally is supposed to be a blessing! I sent an email to a church who had a large attendance every weekend and I knew two of the pastors really well on staff.  Their senior pastor emailed me back and was delighted to have lunch with me. As a church planter, I thought that this was a positive sign !  Having their endorsement would be tremendous and the influence it could wield and yield would be a win. 

Instead of being asked about how they could help, I was blind sided with questions that seemed more orientated about us being in competition than cooperation. It hurt.  The phrase from one the pastors was repeated that "he simply didn't understand" and basically from there repeated that several times. Even after pointing out that I was directed by the Bishop and by BOCD ( denominational terms) and that established churches need 72 people on average to reach 1 person... "I just do not understand." For them, it seemed like I was after a resource for them or church folk. I wasn't.

 I remember saying to our earliest core group, and have continued to say ever since, “We could have a hundred churches around us, and it wouldn’t matter. We’re not after churched people!” I would often go further and add, “We’re not even primarily after people looking for a church. We’re after the person who, right now, the last thought on their mind is being in a church this weekend.”

The reason I say that this was an ambush is this. As defined by Webster, an ambush is: a surprise attack by people lying in wait in a concealed position. 

Allow me to be brazenly clear. If you want to say no to another pastor, then just tell them no. Do not invite them to lunch and surround them so that they can leave feeling interrogated. If we are in a common cause and denomination, there should be a celebration for someone being sent to start a new place for new people. 

To the church planter, before you take a meeting. Pray. Never answer hastily.  I went into the meeting feeling quite safe because I knew two out of the three pastors. 

If you do get ambushed. Just pray & forgive. Church planting is already hard enough. You are going to experience rejection and that is a normal.  I made it my practice after running into them on later dates to be cordial and grace filled. Who really knows why people do what they do.  

The Last 11 Months in a nutshell.

Where has the last 11 months gone?

It has been a long while since I wrote on my blog and shared. Mostly because I have school work, kids, wife,  and a church to shepherd, but I feel the need to now get back to writing and be a bit more faithful to bring creative content.

Some of you who know me already know the highlights, but I will unpack the last 11 months in more details over the next several weeks and some of this will include my 42 pages of writing on church planting in the Alabama-West Florida Conference.

It has been an extremely weird year.  January began and the world was full of wonder. I had been asked by my previous Bishop, Paul Leland, to plant a new church. It was a labor of love. A two year discernment process that at times was... less than thrilling. I went through assessment after assessment. Even was flown to Indianapolis to be run through a very stringent assessment, where we were one of seven couples, and to my knowledge, the only couple given the green light to plant a church.  I had expected in 2015 to be moved to my launch city only to be told to stay put and wait another year. Not because of anything I did, but because the Methodist itinerant system  said so. It was awkward, but it ruined any and all momentum that we could have had.

Let's fast forward. My wife is also a pastor and was appointed to be the pastor of another church  that was 55 miles from the outskirts of where I was planting.  Anyone who knows anything about church planting knows that it is already has enough pressure without adding a one hour each way drive. In less than 5 months of being on the job, I recognized early signs and began the smart process of praying more and more, because I knew that either my marriage was going to fail or the new church would. I chose my wife.  This was not an easy choice, but I made my choice that if they could not move my wife closer for the sake of my family, then I would let go of church planting.

Between February of 2016 to May 2017 , I drove 73,000 miles. That time gave me some time to really pray about what matters.

In late January of this year, my wife and I met with our new Bishop, David Graves. He said he would do all he can, but our priorities were placed as his ultimate goal. In mid Feb, our DS called and said that he and the Bishop were working hard and that it was a 50/50 chance of staying or going.  Mind you, we launched full time worship services in January. By the end of February , I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit to prepare my heart for letting go. In March, I got the call and while I was prepared, it still felt like a punch to the chest.  My heart sank. I had grown to love this community that I was investing in. I had regular prayer meetings and slightly hoped to stay because I saw the potential future. Worship was vibrant.
The church had a young group that was driving down every week from Tallahassee to be part of what we were doing. Our church was just taking on their identity. Then ... it was over.

I was faced with some hard choices. Rip the band off slowly or quickly. I chose quickly, because I felt it would be disingenuous to keep services going while knowing we were leaving and closing the church.  I called my Kids director and broke the news. Devastated. My assistant and her worship leader husband. Bummed but knew that my family was important and prayed over us.  We cried a great deal. Closing the doors on a dream stinks, but even as we cried... the greater good was my family.

It was not until recently that I really began to allow myself to process the whole series of events. Which is why I want to write more. I want to help church planters to look for warning signs. What to to do when people who say "ALL IN" and then flake out. (some of that is ME TOO) I mean lets be real... HEY I am here to start a church... pastor a community.... and HEY ... I am gone.... Integrity takes a gigantic hit at that point. 

I will be writing a series of posts specifically about my dealings with church planting nuts and bolts. What NOT to do...

How to avoid dangerous predatory  pastors and the importance of building right relationships.
What do when you get asked out to lunch and cornered by others.....
Learning that people will let you down and give them grace , because you will let them down too.
Raising funds.
Why house church is a better start to the building process.
Ultimately, I know this won't sit well with others, but I knew going into this process that planting in the Alabama-West Florida Conference had low probability of success. Something around 25 %. I knew that going in and wrote 25 page paper about the strengths & weaknesses.

I thank God that I am healing and able to be where I am now. 

Be Anxious For Nothing

 

Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 

Selah- ( this means to think about it)

Have you ever had an irrational fear? Something that caused you just to move from being a little concerned to FULL ON FREAK OUT MODE? Ok. What was it? Did your worry or anxiousness help at all?   Probably not. 

Recently, I was struggling with something and a situation. I read this scripture over and over. One more time just to be sure.  Be anxious for Nothing!  What a great thought. I mean Paul was in prison when he wrote this. Beaten. Chained. He is writing to a group of believers in Jesus. Think about that for perspective. Here is Paul. He could be wracked up in anxiety, but he isn't.  So I studied this scripture more and more. What is Paul saying to the church?

Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, Let your requests be made known to God.

1. Don't let your NOTHING be your EVERYTHING. What is it that consumes you? Giving you irrational fear? Divorce? Money? Kids? School?   Here is how you can tell when that THING is becoming the needless anxiousness.  It makes you fear. You aren't thankful.  Paul goes into this rather quickly. Quit dwelling on it and pray about it instead. Give thanks to God. Paul is trying to get us to see things that from heaven's perspective are just not really a big deal.

2. Often, especially in our American culture, we can rush to the next THING. I think Paul is pointing out, be thankful for where you are, what you have, and even what you don't have. You will always have anxiety if you continually rush and don't wait.

I loved verse seven, because in order to get to it, you have to do verse six. You are what you practice.  The implication of Paul writes is that you LET your requests be known to God and then the PEACE of GUARD will guard your heart.  Meaning. You will have something that guards... what does a guard do? Keeps the wrong things out! That is what they do by design. So the peace of God... will Guard you! Keep that worry from living in your soul. 

I had to saturate this last part of the verse in my heart through worship. That his peace passes all my understanding. You don't have to understand it, you just have to experience it. I am not saying to be absent of genuine concerns for the things going on in your life, but not to let them control you.

So the bottom line is : Be anxious for no THING. Pray. Give it to God. Peace will guard you. 

Prayer: God, I give to you all that I cannot control. I exchange that for your peace. Rid me of my worry. Help me to have peace, rest, and live in freedom. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Sinking Deep

Have you ever found yourself in a struggle? Where you are just so desperate that everything in your being is crying for God?  Good! Jesus is not a fad. My church and I are currently in a series called, "Living Beyond Myself."  That our greatest joy in life is found being right in the middle of God's action and serving the local church. Your life will radically change when you find your best fit, get equipped, and serve others.  

You are called to be a priest. God is not looking for the equipped, but he equips the called. 
I can give you my own journey where as a youth director I tried to do it all. It wore me out and God spoke to me. "Don't be a fool. I put people around you for a reason!"

So you want to grow as a leader? Learn first that you need to empower others. When I did this I saw what God could do through others that I could not. Here is what you need to focus on first is that you are not looking for people to just be volunteers, but pioneers in ministry.


 Secondly, it is all about multiplication. We want to multiply ourselves in others by example, empowerment, and enlightenment .  It is not about HOW we do ministry, but who we are called to be. 1 Peter 2:9 says "but you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."  That is pretty clear. All called.  Why do some hold back doing ministry? I can think of a few reasons:

1. Our past is too bad
2. Do not feel talented
3. Not close enough to God
4. I have been hurt

I know because I have used these before, but I was thankful for the leaders who would not simply let me sit on the sidelines. God is not looking for one in a million, but for one of a kind and that's who you are. You were gifted and created to serve God in a unique way. I know that I wish I could relate to everyone( and I try too!), but you could the right person to minister to someone I simply never could reach. God did this on purpose!

 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 Message)  “God’s various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit.  God’s various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God’s Spirit.  God’s various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all.  Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people!  The variety is wonderful…”

Don't disqualify what God wants to do in your life today for you might be the only Jesus someone gets to encounter today.


Prayer:
Father,
I ask for wisdom and how I can best serve you today. Flood my life with your light! I ask for the gift's you have for me to serve the body of Christ. Help me to use the gift you have given me to advance your purpose in the local church.  I thank that your design reveals destiny and you have a plan for my life. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Taking next steps.

I have taken some time off from writing because of a new schedule with school and now as a Lead Pastor for the last few months at a small church. God has done some incredible things in that time.  My first few months have been spent ( no offense to him) debunking, cleaning out, and taking heat from the Pastor  I replaced.( As I am sure he did too!) This would have happened either way if he had been liked or disliked.  What I have learned thus far:

•    It does not take a year to try new things, just pray & ask
•    Whatever the member of your church says, listen, discern, pray, and then act.
•    Don't let them bad mouth the last pastor, even if you think he deserves it
•    Admit you don't know what you don't know.
•   Stay Humble
•  Do what they are hungry for! Visit. Be apart of their lives and not just a passerby.

Some of these seem like no brainers, but the temptation to do the opposite is there and it  is real!!!
The best part of this has been getting to know new people, communities, and watching life happen. I did take a risk in my first few months because I refuse to stay still. Church should grow, develop, and look new every week. In my first few months, our people have brought over 100 new people in a community that is saturated with churches. 33 churches for a town 2,700 people!  This  is huge deal.

Have you ever felt that way at something new? Like you have to prove something? I have since crept back in the attitude to take it one step at a time, but always pray about everything. Right now my church is in a series called, Live.Laugh. Love.  Learning how to Live well, Laugh often, and Love much. It reminded me of all I had to be thankful for.

God,
 I thank you for this new thing you are doing in my life. Help me to Live well, Laugh Often, and Love much. Help me to be anxious for nothing, but with everything Thanksgiving!