When God Says No
“Rejection happens! It’s how you choose to react that
decides if you are really saying God's will or yours be done.” – Me
So these past 4 weeks have been an incredible ride. I will
fill you in on the details of what I have been up to the last month or so. I
was a day away from God allowing me to step into my first full time leadership
role in a church, but a 15 minute brain lapse killed it all. I had applied to
be the next Worship Pastor at The Bridge Community Church in Warrenton, Va. I did
my research on the church, prayed, and really followed closely to what I really
thought I was ready for. My wife and I fell in love with their passion and even
the leadership the staff displayed. We wanted to be a part of this church. In
early September we spent a weekend in VA getting to know the church and Senior
Pastor. When we returned I felt the rush and pleasant feelings that go along
with wanting a dream job, but what I was lacking a quiet peace of hearing God
say, “Yes”. I continued to write and converse with the Pastors of the church
for a few weeks. During that time we set up a date for me to come in and lead
worship, meet with elders, and interview further with leadership. Throughout this process my schedule with the
Marine Corps had become outrageous and on top of that we are facing down an end
date to my time as a US Marine, October 18th, 2012. To say that I had made it
easy on us was definitely not the case, but still I continued to press on
because I simply never heard God say yes or no on the matter.
To start things off, Saturday we had an interview with a
church elder and the Connections Pastor. We felt like it went really well. The
conversation was fluid and there was always something to expand on. After lunch
my wife took the kids and gave me a couple of hours to myself so I could pray,
run through the worship set a few times, and rehearse some ideas. While I was praying and worshipping the Holy
Spirit paid me a visit. He sat me down for a second, breathed life into me, and
said, “you are about to fail. Not because you aren’t going to lead worship and
pastor. You just aren’t going to lead worship and pastor here.” I was heartbroken. But I went ahead to
practice thinking, “Well I will go ahead and lead worship, have an amazing Sunday,
and the Holy Spirit will just confirm this with other people.” At practice something happened that I can’t
explain. It was as if I forgot for about
15-20 minutes how to do anything right. In a span of about 15 minutes I lost my
internal metronome to stay in ¾ time. I bombed a song that I personally had led
a 100 times and just in general my overall sense was lost! This feeling would
eventually go away and I would correct it all, but the damage had been done. I
crashed a plane into a moving train and was being taken out to sea! I felt a
nudge from the Holy Spirit during practice that just said, “Don’t worry, just
worship.” We finished strong on the tail end of things. I prayed with the team and
left. When I got back to the hotel I received a phone call from the pastor to
meet him in the lobby. We met and he
released me from leading worship on Sunday.
We talked for several minutes about the whole practice. I know what
happened and cannot change the perception of a bad day, but it was so much more
than that. I wanted to defend, but couldn’t. I think it is in our nature to try
and say well if this had happened then I could have done this better. I felt
peace about it all and was thankful for the process and know what I need to do
the next time around.
What I drew from all of this is the quote at the beginning
of this post, “Rejection happens! It’s how you choose to react that decides if
you are really saying God's will or yours be done.” I have known where I was called to go and it
was never a backup plan, because it was God’s plan! I rejoiced in the fact I
didn’t get this job. Maybe I would have loved it! (I am sure I would have.)
Maybe this or that, but God has someone for The Bridge Community Church that is
going to be what that church needs. My
musicianship failed at the right moment to protect me and Bridge Church from a
partnership. It would have been beneficial but they are in need of another type
of worship pastor for the season they are in.
God’s will for my life always means that his agenda comes first.
I cannot fall in love with a place more than I love him.
